Photo by Delores @ thefeatherednest |
Cold Stone Angel
Eva stood behind her parents with her face tilted up to the
sun. She hated this place, god how she
hated this place! Yet it was the place
she had been every week, and on every holiday, and every birthday, and any
other time her mother thought it necessary for nearly fifteen years. Soon, though, very, very soon, Eva wouldn’t
be coming back here, ever again. That
thought warmed her even more than the early spring sunshine.
Her memories of her older sister, Catherine, were vague at
best. She was no longer sure which
fragments were actual memories and which had been ingrained in her very being
from living a life in which all things were a shrine to Catherine. She had been three when Catherine, who was
eight, died. Catherine had been hit by a
car while crossing the street. Eva was
told she had been killed instantly. She
didn’t remember much about that day, or the days immediately following.
Eva wasn’t sure if it was a real memory, or something she’d
been told, but she thought Catherine might have been crossing the street to
catch up with her when she had wandered off.
Eva wasn’t sure, and she didn’t want to be, so she had never asked. It was clear enough to her that if given the
choice her mother would have preferred to lose Eva rather than Catherine. Eva didn’t need to know more than that.
Catherine was the golden child in every sense; she’d had
bouncing golden curls and big blue eyes.
Everyone who spoke of her remembered her as being beautiful and
vivacious. She seemed to have been an
angel come to earth for just a short time.
So of course it made sense that her parents had commissioned a stone
angel for her grave. Eva wasn’t sure if
the angel was meant as a depiction of Catherine the golden child, or if the
angel was intended to keep watch over Catherine. Either way, it served to inform all who
passed that Catherine had been heavenly.
Eva was decidedly not heavenly. Sometimes she wondered if her very existence
made the world a worse place. If not for
her, there was a possibility that Catherine would still be alive. She was also aware that she added to her
parents’ grief over losing Catherine; they looked at her with such
disappointment, Catherine had been beautiful, outgoing, and smart. Eva was just so average. She knew she would have spent her life in
Catherine’s shadow had she lived, but Eva was certain that life in the shadow
of a live sister was much brighter than life in the shadow of a dead
sister. You were allowed to resent a live
sister, but you weren’t allowed to resent a dead one.
Eva shivered, despite the warm sunshine, as she recalled the
one time she’d asked to skip visiting Catherine’s grave on her birthday. It was the year Eva turned ten; she had
wanted to have a normal birthday, like all of the other kids from her
class. Their birthdays didn’t begin with
an early morning pilgrimage to a grave.
It had seemed like such a good idea, and possibly the first step to
living a normal life.
Her mother had screamed at her for what felt like hours,
telling her that she should be grateful to be alive, and to have a birthday,
and that she shouldn’t begrudge a few minutes of her birthday to her poor dead
sister who didn’t get to have her birthdays anymore. Eva didn’t have a birthday party that
year. She was too afraid of asking for
or saying the wrong thing. Eva’s best friend,
Lana, had told Eva that year that all she needed to do was wait until she was
grown up and then she wouldn’t have to go to Catherine’s grave. That thought quickly took root; it became
Eva’s mantra and her sustenance.
Eva never complained again about visiting Catherine’s grave,
instead she thought of the time when she would be grown up and wouldn’t have to
go. Every birthday, Easter,
Thanksgiving, Christmas, and every other visit brought her one day closer to
the day when she would no longer have to go.
They brought her closer to the day when she could live her life in the
sunshine, free of the shadow cast by a dead eight year old girl.
Eva understood that her parents were entitled to their
grief, and that they’d done the best they could. She also understood that she was entitled to
her life. She really did have the right
to live without tiptoeing around the shadow of her dead older sister, and
that’s exactly what she was going to do.
She had been accepted, on a full scholarship, to a college on the other
side of the country. That ought to be
far enough way from Catherine’s grave for her to live her life free of
shadows.
So she stood there in the warm spring sunshine, staring at
the stone angel, which for her had nearly come to depict hell more than
heaven. This was the next to the last
time she had to come here; there was one more holiday to get through, and then
she’d leave for college. After that she
would never come back, and never again have to stand in front of the cold stone
angel.
Terrific story. I feel so sorry for the whole family. Sadly, I can see this happening in real life.
ReplyDeleteThank you. It kind of seemed like we all went with something that could happen in real life this week. Great minds think alike, huh?
DeleteGreat story!
ReplyDeleteSo much pain in Eva's life. So much pain all around. Good read, Danielle.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much.
Deletechillingly devastating
ReplyDeleteThanks, I love your description.
DeleteI have to echo what Lynn said, chillingly devastating. It is such a sad story. You want to reach out to Eve's parents and shake them for treating Eve like this and not seeing her, but only Catherine. Very well written!!
ReplyDeletebetty
Thank you! What a lovely compliment!
DeleteAwarding you the Kreativ Blogger Award!!! Love your blog!
ReplyDeleteCome on over to mine to get the details!
www.hammockinthehoneysuckle.blogspot.com
Carrie
Thank you so much! You totally made my day with this!
Delete