Tuesday, May 19, 2020

The Things That Will Never Be The Same

Duke
This a long post.  It’s one that I’ve wanted to write for a while, but it took me some time to organize my thoughts.  It starts with more of the negative because I like to end with the positive.  I don’t have any pictures that really go with it, so enjoy a random assortment of pet pictures.  Because we can all use more pet pictures in our lives. 

It’s hard to say exactly when COVID-19 took over.  For me, I’m going with March 14, 2020.  That’s when we started canceling things we had planned; a cooking class, hair appointments, dentist appointments, etc.  March 13, 2020, was the last day I worked from my office.  Looking back, it was a normal, but really, really good workweek.  On March 13, 2020, I left work for the day, with my laptop, a few files, and several books.  I knew I’d probably be working from home for a couple of weeks, maybe a little longer.  I never thought I’d still be working from home two months later.  And I certainly never thought my opinion of so many people would change so drastically.  I never thought so many things would never be the same.

I’m not saying that I don’t think things will never go back to how they were pre-COVID.  I have to believe they will, or I would go absolutely insane.  Though, to be honest, I’d be pretty happy if shaking hands went away entirely.  This isn’t the first time in human history that something like this has happened, and this time, we have better medical care and over 100 years worth of developments and improvement in science since the last time the world faced something similar to this. 
Howard
I don’t think things are going to go back to normal any time soon, though.  It takes time to develop and test treatments and vaccines.  It takes time for economies to recover.  It takes time for trauma to heal, and in a lot of ways, I think a lot of people have been traumatized by this.  That kind of healing doesn’t happen overnight.  But it does happen.  I have to believe that.
But I still keep thinking about all of the things that won’t be the same, even when it’s perfectly safe for all of us to be back at work, in restaurants, and in hair salons.  Will we be so used to maintaining distance that we still avoid crowds?  Will we pay more attention the next time a mysterious illness affects another part of the world?  Will we become like our Depression Era great grandparents, saving everything and wasting nothing?  Will we spend more time outside?  Less time in front of screens?  Will the resurgence of interest in learning skills like baking bread, sewing, and basic home repair last? 

Those are the big picture questions, that may well only be answered in the history books.  There’s already a museum project in North Carolina encouraging people to save things like PPE once this is over, to preserve the history for future generations.  They’ll probably be the ones who will get the answers to the bigger questions. 
Mortimer

But what about the smaller, more personal or local changes?  Nick’s mom and I have had various versions of this conversation a few times.  How many friendships will be damaged beyond repair?  Or at least irrevocably altered?  How many people will you never view in quite the same light? 

I can’t help feeling like a lot of things will never be quite the same for me. 

I tend to be a rule follower, and seeing someone as a rule follower, or a rule breaker, has always been important in helping to form my opinion of people.  I didn’t realize just how important until the COVID restrictions went into place.  I’m much angrier than I thought I would be to see people blatantly disregarding social distancing measures.  To be honest, it feels me with a rage I didn’t expect from myself.  I’m sure that’s exacerbated by the fact that Nick and my sister are essential workers, that my parents are high-risk, and that so many of our friends are elderly and high risk. 
Charlie
I’ve unfollowed several people on Facebook because I simply cannot stand to see one more post from them mocking the one-way aisles in grocery stores, complaining more about the closure of businesses than the loss of lives, or posting pictures of large gatherings they’re having or attending.  They’re adults, and I can’t stop them, but I don’t have to have a front row seat to watch them.

There are people I no longer wish to pursue friendships with.  It’s not some dramatic middle school style “we’re not friends anymore,” type of thing.  It’s just that the world is big, life is short, and clearly our values do not align in a way that’s going to lead to a lasting friendship. 

There’s a class I want to take when things are back to normal.  The person who teaches it locally has behaved in a manner that I cannot and will not condone, so now whenever I am able to take the class, I’ll be driving over an hour to take it from someone else. 

There’s a healthcare (not traditional western medicine) facility that I won’t be going back to.  They’ve been open through all of the shutdown, and I fully understand that.  Healthcare is essential, and I believe this particular type of healthcare is very beneficial.  I chose early on to cancel my late March appointment because I knew Nick would still be going to work, and through him, I believe I carry a higher risk to the people I’m around.  I thought I’d be rescheduling once things were back to normal.  But now, after two months of Facebook selfies of the owner hugging people, various posts by the owner that the loss of life doesn’t merit the closures we’ve had, and that it’s good for healthy people to be exposed, I won’t be going back. 
Frankie
I know there are plenty of people who view my stand as overly dramatic.  I’ve been told throughout my life that I see things as too black or white, with no gray area.  In some instances that may be true, but I don’t think this is one of them.  Choosing to endanger someone else’s life because of your own preferences or comfort isn’t a gray area to me.  I see blatantly and willfully disregarding the social distancing measures that are in place the same as I see drunk driving.  There’s a good chance you’re going to hurt or kill an innocent person, and that is unacceptable and inexcusable. 

I know there’s always a chance that I’ll change my mind when things are back to normal, and I’m not in a constant state of panic, but I think it’s doubtful.  I can’t see myself spending my money at and supporting a business when their values are clearly so contrary to mine.  And as far as friendships, I don’t think I’ll ever come to view willfully endangering people you see as somehow less worthy as a trait I want to see in a friend.  There’s the Japanese proverb that says. “When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.”  I’d rather my character be defined by people who are willing to do what is necessary for the greater good. 

Caroline
The flip side of this has been the people who have stepped up in ways I wouldn’t have expected. 

We’ve had texts, phone calls, and offers of various food/supplies from people I wouldn’t necessarily have expected to be the ones to check on us during this.  These are the people I want to pursue deeper friendships with.  They obviously care, and that’s always a good basis for friendship.

And let’s not forget all of the people who gave me buttons when I needed them to make mask adapters.  I still have bags of buttons sitting around the house!  No one offered to sell or barter buttons, they simply figured out a way to share them. 

Tara
There’s the person at work who I thought highly of before, but wouldn’t have pegged as the person to be concerned for everyone’s mental well being, who has gone out of his way to provide resources and create ways to mitigate the loneliness and isolation that comes from working at home.  There’s the coworker who calls at least once a day so I can talk to another person while Nick is at work.  There’s the person at work who helped me track down PPE for my sister when her job couldn’t get it.  These are things that I will never forget.  I am definitely bringing in some cakes whenever we’re back in the office.

There’s the amazingly delicious pie shop kind of near us that has now provided me with the perfect excuse to eat too much pie once things are back to normal.  Technically, they could have stayed open during all of this, but they chose to close when schools closed and restaurants were required to go to take-out only.  There are various programs through the schools here to provide food for needy children, including programs that send food home with them over the weekend and holidays.  Schools closing meant more issues with food insecurity.  So, the pie shop handed out free bagged lunches (PB&J sandwich, an apple, a cookie, and milk) every day, even though they weren’t open for business.  As the community started to get involved, they were able to hand out more food.  That’s a business I want to support.  They filled a need, and provided an outlet for other people to help.  I feel good about spending my money there.  And it’s an added bonus that I’ll get to eat pie in the process. 

Then there are all of the restaurants that have provided food to Nick’s job during this.  A few local restaurants have dropped off food for them, and have provided free meals for first responders.  Some of them don’t have the best parking, or the most convenient hours, but they are absolutely the restaurants we will be going to once things are back to normal.  They’ve demonstrated that they value our essential workers and first responders, just like we do.
Frankie & Howard
I just can’t help thinking that seeing these things, the good and the bad, will forever change and shape how I view people.  There’s the Spanish proverb, “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.”  I believe that’s true. 

So what about you?  Has your opinion of anyone changed, for good or bad, during all of this?  Are there businesses you will or won’t support going forward?  Do you think we’ll go back to exactly how things were before?

8 comments:

  1. Well, first of all, I don't find you over-reacting or being over dramatic about all this. Or, if you are, I am, too. This is a big deal and I suppose in different ways for many of us, but still big. For me, it's a very high risk condition. For you, it's Nick and protecting him. And you. And for all of us it is (or should be) just plain obvious. I don't think we can go back to exactly how we were before. I'm not sure I want to. And my opinions of many have changed, both good and bad, because of this. And yes, there ARE businesses I will no longer support because of how they have behaved. To be honest, I don't think I'll be supporting a lot for awhile anyway because I'm just not planning to go out to eat or shop or just hang out. Not for a long time. I resonated to the Louise Penny quote I put in my blog post today about how I worry. She says she is less frightened but more worried. And for me, I see that worry in how things have changed, how the anger has boiled over. And I just don't see how that helps THEM, much less the community. There's a point when all-about-me is really not just selfish, it is dangerous. And that's what worries me most of all. I hear you. And I agree. One hundred percent.

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  2. Normally I follow rules and I wouldn't be considered a rebel but honestly I have found myself militant lately about what I believe to be false info out there. I keep saying it and I believe it, the virus is serious but so is the flu every year. Every life matters but I have seen reports of people desperate and killing themselves over not being able to provide for their family. I appreciate what Nick does and the danger he is under and for what it is worth I pray daily for first responders and health care workers. Our econony is trashed and how can we restore it? Some have been incredibly lucky to still work. Others haven't and stress about bills to pay. There are no easy answers. I believe we have been lied to and manipulated. I feel those who want to stay home should be safe to do so with no exposure to the virus. No one has ever been able to tell me how someone sheltering at home should be at risk from those who choose to go out. So why should the healthy stay home if they feel comfortable going out? I said six months ago the defining thing of this generation would be gender. Now I think it is mask versus no mask. I truly fear for our country and I understand your concern and respect it. We have freedoms here that are being violated and we are chastised if we want to exercise those freedoms as us being selfish. We are being manipulated and I refuse to be so. I will take precautions but I refuse to stay away from those I love any more. I saw the effects of that on my relationship with the wee one. I will continue to see him if we are all healthy and trust for the best.

    Betty

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  3. I completely understand where you are coming from, Danielle. Part of that reason is having a daughter and son-in-law who are nurses. The later is in ICU and had to care for Covid patients without having the proper PPE at first. It was maddening. He saw firsthand people, including a coworker, who were perfectly healthy individuals wind up on a ventilator fighting for life.

    I've seen the ignorant FB comments that spread false rumors. Everything from where the virus originated to conspiracy theories. I'm over FB, which s a good thing, since elections are coming up.

    It's also disheartening that some don't want to wear a mask. Do I believe they are 100% helpful? No, but even if they prevent 10% of virus shedding, that's better than nothing. And what harm is there in wearing one? Yes, annoying with glasses, but that's life.

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  4. I believe that once this is all over, we'll go back to how things were before much more quickly than you'd think.

    There are some things worth breaking a friendship up over, and some things that aren't. People who are blatantly disregarding protocols meant to keep us as a people safe (such as mask wearing) are showing who they are as members of this society. I can see breaking up a friendship over that.

    You have to do what you feel is right. You've lost respect for various people as they've shown you who they are through this. You are allowed to set boundaries about who remains in your life.

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  5. I don't think we'll go back to the way we were, but what exactly will change is hard to predict at the moment when we're still in the middle of the pandemic. But like you, I have no time for the reckless people demanding a total lifting of the lockdown and all the associated safety measures. It looks like the anti-lockdown trend is much more pronounced in the USA. It's not so prevalent here and all the people I know or who pass me on the street are all observing the precautions. None of my FB friends or blogmates are anti-lockdown. But these idiots are doing their best to cause an equally deadly second wave.

    And yes, I admire all those people who're going the extra mile to feed people, go shopping for people, provide PPE etc. Thank goodness there are kind-hearted and community-minded folk like that as well as the selfish prats.

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  6. I believe the world is changed forever in ways we will soon see. At my age, most of my friends are seniors and we are all vulnerable so we follow the guidelines. Our daughter is a nurse and she certainly follows them. She doesn’t want to bring the virus into the nursing home where she works.

    I think that people with a cavalier attitude about the pandemic would not be in my circle of friends after this is over.

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  7. I think you're absolutely right, Danielle. Things will be changed forever by this pandemic. Not just policies and economic shifts, but I think this is changing people at their very cores. It's serious trauma. we, too, find ourselves angry and disappointed by some people's callous disregard for the guidelines in place. We have extreme difficuly understanding how some can se so selfish as to not wear a mask "because it is their right" and "no one is going to tell them what to do." So self-righteous and self-important, without a thought about anyone else. Bless Nick and the other essential workers. We are so grateful. Hang in there, my friend. Surround yourself with good people and practice self-care. Hugs.

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  8. I don't think things will ever go back to "normal" as we knew them before the pandemic. At least, not for everyone. Some people might try to act like things are how they were before, but the way so many people do things will have changed.

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