Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Some Thoughts On Hospice

First of all, I want to say thank you to all of you for your kind comments on my last post about my grandmother going into hospice care.  As always the blogging world (at least my little corner of it) has shown itself to be a pretty great place.
My grandmother died in a hospice house on Saturday, September 21, 2013 at about 1:30 pm. I don’t think watching a loved one die can ever be easy, but the people at hospice certainly know how to make a terrible experience a little better.  For those of you who may not be familiar, here’s a brief article that explains what hospice care is all about. 
The overwhelming kindness of everyone, from security guards, to strangers who volunteer their time, to the doctors and nurses is probably what impressed me the most.  Hospitals are usually very impersonal.  I understand that they’re very busy doing really tough jobs, and I respect that.  But hospice is different.  Though I’m sure they’re busy, no one acts like it.  They talk to you when you go in, ask you how you’re doing, how your loved one is doing, ask if you need anything.  Upon checking in, my parents were given a care package for themselves and my grandmother.  It contained a handmade afghan, a handmade cervical pillow, a handmade doll, snacks, activity books (crossword puzzles, word search, etc.) toiletries (toothbrush, toothpaste, soaps, shampoos, etc.) and a very kind note.  The bag had everything you could think of to make the time there a little easier.
Not to confuse kindness with false hope, everyone is very open about the fact that your loved one isn’t going to get better.  No one sugar coats anything.  The staff is very open about how much time your loved one may have left, and about the dying the process.  They just manage to do it with kindness rather than being impersonal or macabre.   They assure you that your loved one will be kept comfortable, they tell you they wish for peace for all of you, and they do everything possible to make it peaceful. 
Honestly, I don’t know how these people do their jobs.  I couldn’t do it.  If I tried, I think the only way I’d survive would be to maintain some distance, but they don’t seem to.  They ask about the families and chat with you.  One nurse even hugged us when we left for the last time.
This begs the question of how you even begin to repay that, or even pay it forward.  Saying thank you just doesn’t seem like enough.  We brought in dinner most days (my mom never left) and always brought extra to offer to people working there and other families there waiting.  Most people seemed really surprised by that, but feeding people in a crisis is how some of us make it through. 
We’re sending you thank you cards to people who were especially kind, and I’m planning to bring in a few cakes; one for the day shift, one for the night shift, and one for the family waiting room.  It doesn’t seem like nearly enough, but it’s the best I’ve been able to come up with.  Our family is very grateful for what they did, and I just think they need to know it.
On a lighter note, I promise my next post will be a much happier one, and I’m really looking forward to catching up on everything I missed while I was away from blogging. 
 

14 comments:

  1. Continued hugs, and thoughts and prayers your way, Danielle. It sounds like you are doing the very things that make all those kind and selfless acts get recognized - paying it forward is a beautiful idea. Hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paying it forward just seems like the best thing to do. Saying thank you just isn't adequate for some things.

      Delete
  2. So sorry to hear about what happened, but I am familiar with hospice because before my disability took over my life I had gone back to college and during my studies was going to have to choose some kind of volunteer work to do and I had chosen hospice. Never got to do it, but read about some wonderful things they do. Hugs to you and your family in this difficult time. And cheers to those people who work and volunteer in hospices and make everyone feel loved.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I admire you for trying to volunteer with hospice. I don't think that's something that everyone can do.

      Delete
  3. Danielle I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost my grandfather a few years ago but didn't go to hospice so I've never really known about them other than from the outside. I'm so glad they were there for you and your family. It sounds like there are some truly amazing men and women there and I can't imagine how they do it either. What a blessing they do though. I think writing them notes and taking in a cake or two is a lovely idea and will mean a lot to them. It's very sweet of you to do that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. We are so sorry for you and your family's loss, Danielle. Those hospice workers and volunteers are heroes and saints, in our book. Hugs, prayers and all good thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am so sorry for your family's loss. I think hospice, if it is an option, is a good option for a loved one's final days. I am not sure I could be a worker there, but I do admire those that can and do it lovingly, knowing the losses they will see with every patient that comes through their doors.

    Perhaps you could pay it forward, if you can, by sending donations to it if it is a not for profit organization.

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I think you're very right about hospice being a good option for someone's final days.

      Delete
  6. My sister in law was in hospice for a week before she passed, and I felt the same way you do. It's a wonderful, peaceful place just trying to ease the passing of a life. It's a transition we all will make, and we might as well have wonderful people around us. I was so moved by the caretakers at our hospice. It's astonishing how loving they are, even though they do tell you truth. I could not do it either, but I'm so grateful that people are called to that. It's a blessing. My condolences to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right about having wonderful people around. I'm with you in thinking that it's not something I could do, but I am so grateful to the people who are able to do that kind of work.

      Delete

Thank you for taking the time to comment! Please leave your link so I can visit you as well.