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My mom and sister are very outgoing, and never have trouble making new friends. My dad isn’t as outgoing as my mom and sister, but grew up with my grandfather being in the Air Force, so was used to moving and making new friends. I’ve always been the one to struggle the most with meeting new people and making new friends.
I missed my best friend, Dani, desperately. It was also the first time in my life we hadn’t lived in the same town as some of my grandparents, and I missed seeing grandparents often. We moved from Myrtle Beach, SC when we moved to Texas, and moved to the upstate when we moved back from Texas. My family didn’t know anyone there.
Then I discovered that I could write letters and stay in touch with the people I didn’t get to see. Dani and I wrote to each other constantly, and kept writing all through our teenage years. The letters started off short, horribly mis-spelled, and with only the most basic information. Over the years they grew longer. We wrote about everything! School, our pets, boys we liked, and numerous plots over the years to force my family to move back to Texas.
I also started writing to my grandparents and great-grandparents. I found out years later that my great-grandparents couldn’t decipher my horrible handwriting and mis-spellings and would have to get my grandparents to “translate” my letters for them. They still wrote me back sometimes.
Any day I got a letter in the mail was a great day for me. I loved getting mail! I loved buying note cards and pretty paper. The Lisa Frank stationery sets were in their heyday then, and I bought them constantly.
I spent the next thirty-plus years writing to various people. Over the years, I stopped sending quite as many letters as I had when I was a child, but I always wrote to someone at least once a month. When my maternal grandmother died, my mom found photo albums where she had kept all of my letters. I had written hundreds of pages over the years, of the most boring and mundane things, but she kept them all.
By the end of the summer of 2016, I was down to one living grandparent, my paternal grandmother. She lived in Florida, in a nursing home, and hated talking on the phone. She greatly preferred letters. So I wrote her letters. My aunt read them to her, and told me what she said about them.
My grandmother died last summer. I wasn’t blogging much last year, so I never wrote about it. For the first time in over thirty years, I wasn’t writing to anyone regularly.
In September, I read a blog post that Bijoux had written about being a card angel. She linked to a blog post that Betty had written about being a chemo angel. They both seemed happy to volunteer, and the program seemed good. I visited the website, and first thought of my M-I-L because she loves sending cards. Then I realized that I had been writing letters for most of my life. I had also said for years that I’d like to find a way to volunteer that wasn’t a huge time commitment. I realized that Chemo Angels was perfect for me.
I encourage you to visit the website and to read Betty and Bijoux’s posts (here, here, and here) about it, but I’ll give you the short version. With Chemo Angels, people undergoing chemotherapy can sign up for the program. They’re matched to two volunteers, one as a chemo angel, and one as a card angel, for the duration of their treatment. They’re required to check in monthly in order to stay in the program. As a volunteer, you can sign up to be a chemo angel or a card angel. As a chemo angel, you commit to sending your buddy (that’s what the patients/recipients are referred to as) a small gift and card once or twice a week. As a card angel, you commit to sending your buddy a card or letter once or twice a week. The rules are fairly simple and straight forward. You have to send something at least once a week, you're supposed to label it as "angel mail", you can’t ask them to write you back, or call you, or email you, you can’t share their information with anyone, and you have to keep it positive. Because it’s all mail-based, you’re matched to someone fairly geographically distant from you. So far, all of my buddies have been in completely different regions of the country from me.
I decided to sign up as a card angel. I knew at that point that I’d probably be changing jobs, and that it might involve a pay cut, so card angel seemed to be the better choice. I also thought I’d probably be a mediocre chemo angel, but thought I could be a pretty good card angel. There is no rule that says a card angel can’t send little gifts sometimes.
I was matched to my first buddy in less than a week. You’re sent an email with their address and bio, which includes interests, hobbies, type of cancer, family information, likes, such as favorite color, favorite animal, favorite candy/snacks, etc. You have the option to accept or reject the assignment. I’m not sure why you would reject an assignment once you’ve volunteered, but it’s nice that they give you the option.
The person they matched to me seemed well matched to me, so I accepted. She was a few years younger than me, enjoyed cooking, baking, and reading, and loved dogs.
It was all new to me, so I wasn’t entirely sure how to proceed. In my first card, I introduced myself: name, age, marital status, job, number of pets, that kind of thing. I also told her why I thought we were matched: interests and hobbies we had in common. My first cards tend to be pretty long. There’s a Facebook group you can join when you sign up, which I did. It is extremely helpful. People post pictures of cards they make, packages they send, ideas for things to talk about, etc. You can also ask questions, ask for suggestions, etc.
I printed out pictures of things I thought she would like and started sending those in my cards. I also printed out little cartoons and memes about cooking and baking. A few people in the group made some helpful suggestions for things to talk about. It was also suggested to keep a list of what you’ve sent, since it is one-sided, and can go on for a while, so you don’t forget and repeat yourself.
Your buddy can send you messages via their monthly check-in, and you can also request the information from the check-in. I’ve found that helpful in figuring out what to write. My buddy asked about my garden in one of her check-ins, and also talked about the cards helping her feel less lonely. After that, I started writing to her three times a week. The more I wrote, the easier it seemed to be. When we went on vacation in October, I just wrote out a few cards ahead of time, and mailed them throughout the week we were there. It felt like I had finally found something I could volunteer for that was a good fit for me.
Senior Angels is a sort of co-program to Chemo Angels, but is for seniors experiencing loneliness. I’m not sure if it’s age based or based on something else for the recipients. I decided to sign up for Senior Angels, as a card angel, as well. I was matched to my senior buddy in November. She loves dogs, birds, flowers, gardening, reading, and crafts. I took the same approach with her, introducing myself, telling her what we have in common, and then sending pictures of things I thought she would like. Again, after a message and seeing her check-in information it became easier and easier to write to her.
I had a lot of fun sending both of my buddies Christmas cards all through December, and finding little Christmas gifts to send to them.
In early February I was told that my first buddy, through Chemo Angels, was being removed from the program for failing to check in for two months in a row. I was a little upset about it at first. I wondered if I had done something wrong, or if she was just too sick to check in. They explained the process they go through before removing someone, though, and it seemed very fair. I sent her a few more cards, and included my email address, in case she wanted to stay in touch.
I had the option of waiting to be assigned another buddy through Chemo Angels, or volunteering right away for another buddy. I know myself, and things I wait to do tend to be things I never do, so I volunteered for another buddy right away.
The day after I was notified that my first buddy had been removed from the program, I received a beautiful card from my senior buddy’s daughter. It was completely unexpected, and absolutely made my day. She told me how much her mom enjoyed my cards, and mentioned a few things that she especially enjoyed hearing about. Again, that made it even easier to write to her.
I was matched to my new buddy through Chemo Angels in less than a week. I’m not sure if that’s due to a lack of volunteers, if it’s an age thing, an interest thing, or just a coincidence that I’ve been matched so quickly.
My new buddy is also a few years younger than me. She’s exactly two weeks younger than my sister. We have similar interests as well. She knits (I’m learning to crochet, so kind of close). She’s also interested in photography, likes to read, and loves dogs. Again, I started by introducing myself, telling her what we had in common, and then moved on to sending her pictures of things I thought she would like.
She has sent me a card, and a postcard, which was totally unexpected, but very sweet of her. She mentioned a few things she especially liked, so that made it even easier to write to her.
In early March, they posted in the Facebook group that they had a shortage of volunteers as chemo angels and card angels for children, and asked if people would be willing to sign up for a child. I had initially said no to children in my application. I don’t spend much time around kids, and didn’t think I’d be a good volunteer for a child, especially since I didn’t really know what I was doing. By March, I felt pretty confident in how to be a card angel, so I said I could be a card angel for a teenage girl, as long as she liked animals. I didn’t get assigned anyone for a while, and just assumed that they had found more suitable matches. Then I kind of forgot I had even signed up for a child. In mid-April, I got an email assignment matching me to a 14 year old girl who loves all animals, especially dogs, and loves the color pink. I decided I could handle writing to her, so I accepted the assignment.
I took basically the same approach in writing to her, introduction, what we have in common, etc. I told my adult buddies about meeting Nick on e-harmony, but I haven’t told her that. I’m not sure if that’s something you should tell a 14 year old, so I just didn’t. You’re also given a parent’s information, so I sent a letter to her mom introducing myself. It seemed like a good idea. I don’t have children, but I would imagine that a person might want to know a little something about someone writing to their child.
I received a very sweet thank you card from her about a month ago. She mentioned liking certain things, so it’s even easier to write to her now.
Once the pandemic started, and stay at home orders started going in place, I started sending cards to all of my buddies three times a week. I can’t imagine dealing with cancer and a pandemic, so I thought a little extra cheerful mail would be a good idea. There have a couple of weeks where I only sent something twice, but most weeks I’ve sent three cards. There have been a few weeks where I’ve sent four or five cards.
The pandemic has made it a little more challenging to find positive, upbeat things to talk about. Selfishly, though, volunteering with Chemo Angels has forced me to spend some time every week focusing on good, happy things. There are days that has definitely been all that kept me from wallowing in fear and anxiety.
I try to make my cards a mix of the trivial, mundane aspects of life, and the more interesting highlights. In a way, it’s a lot like blogging. I talk about things like what movies or TV shows we’re watching, what it’s like working at home with Duke and the cats, how the garden is doing, etc. I’ve introduced them to all of our pets, along with pictures, and told them how we got them, what their favorite toy is, and a little about their personality. I’ve talked about different animals we’ve fostered, some of the transports I’ve done, and sent pictures of interesting things from past vacations. Walgreen’s always has some sort of sale going on for prints, so I periodically do an order of 4x6 pictures to send. Whatever the picture is will be my talking point for that card. For example, these pictures are of Duke getting to run for the first time after his heartworm treatment, so that’s what I wrote about in this card.
I’m always on the lookout for cards that are pretty, cute, cheerful, etc. I also try to find fun stickers to decorate the envelopes with. Bijoux and Betty both mentioned finding good cards at the dollar store. I checked a few dollar stores here when I first signed up, but didn’t find anything great. I’ve ordered most of my cards from Amazon, and am slowly amassing a good collection of cards to send. I try to send a different theme or style each time, and don’t ever send the same one within a few weeks. I’ve been very happy with the Note Card Café cards from Amazon. They have lots of different designs, they’re not expensive, and they’re good quality. I’ve also had good luck just searching “4x6 note cards” on Amazon. I’ve bought a few that are smaller than that, but I prefer the 4x6 so a picture will fit in them. I also found some cards that serve as frames, and you can add your own picture. I like to use those for the really good pictures.
Betty sent me a large package of cards and stickers after her buddy passed away. I’ve been putting them to good use. I’ve also reached the conclusion that dollar stores are not the same everywhere, because those cards are much nicer than anything I found at the dollar stores here.
Jeanie wrote a great post about happy mail during the pandemic, and that inspired me to come up with a happy package to send all of my buddies. It took me a while to come up with a theme, but I decided to send a little beach vacation package. We found some wonderful shells on our trip last year, so I sent each buddy one of those, some beach themed word searches with a pen in their favorite color, a beach themed card, tropical candy, and summer edition chapstick. The packages weren’t anything big or extravagant, but I thought they looked cheerful. (I promise I sent one to all three buddies. I just only took a picture of two for some reason.)
My senior buddy sent me a nice card thanking me for the package. Due to the pandemic, she has been very isolated, so was happy for the little piece of the normal, outside world.
I’ve loved it every time I’ve heard from my buddies. I don’t know if it’s common to hear from them or not. You’re told not to expect to hear from them when you sign up, and that it’s strictly one way. I’ve heard from three out of the four of mine, but I’ve only been volunteering since September, so I’m not sure what usually happens.
I do know that out of everything I’ve ever volunteered for, this has been what I’ve enjoyed the most. There’s the time factor of course. I love that I can write my cards at any time, day or night, that works for me. But that’s not the whole reason. I just love writing letters. Somehow, that became part of my identity, and Chemo Angels gave that back to me. I enjoy writing to my buddies. It was a little awkward at first, but now it just feels like I’m writing to friends, and I like that a lot. I hope to keep volunteering with Chemo Angels indefinitely.
So what about you? Are you a prolific letter writer? Do you have any pen pals? Do you love getting cards and letters?
