Is It Possible To Care Deeply About Everything?

If you’ve spent more than about five minutes here at Sweet Tea Reads, you’ve probably picked up on the fact that I’m a supporter of animal rescue.  I have a few other causes that are near and dear; Alzheimer’s, cancer, the American Liver Foundation, and things relating to the emergency services/first responders (if you’ve been around for a while you probably know why those are the things I really care about).  

I’m not saying that I just don’t care at all about other causes.  They just aren’t really button pushers for me.  They don’t ignite passion or anger.  I mostly find myself thinking “that’s terrible” or “I’m glad someone is working on that” and then going on with my day.  Maybe that makes me really horrible.  I like to think it all balances out because the things I care deeply about are maybe the things that make some other people think “that’s terrible” or “I’m glad someone is working on that” before going on with their day.

Nick and I have talked about this a lot over the years.  He has a few near and dear causes as well, and for the most part ours line up very well.  We choose very few causes to support financially as we’re able, he spends almost all of his volunteer time with the fire department, and I spend almost all of mine doing something related to animal rescue.  We both have a different place we want to volunteer at once we’re retired, and it’s one of the things we’re looking forward to when retirement finally comes. 

We both think that with limited time and resources it makes sense to focus on the things that really matter to us.  Now, I’m not saying that we refuse to support other causes.  I can think of only a few causes that either of us adamantly refuse to support.  We’re both on board with saying yes whenever a cashier asks if we’d like to donate to this or that cause as long as it’s not one of the few we refuse to support.  We both will usually chip in a little if a friend or co-worker is raising money with some sort of walk or run.  I think the difference is that when it’s not one of “our” causes we have to be asked, and we do/give a lot less.  I’m okay with that because I know it’s not that we’re being stingy, it’s just that we support something else instead.

I’ve had conversations with friends over the years who just don’t understand or agree with this approach.  They view caring more about one cause as not caring at all or enough about another.  Or they make the argument that anyone putting forth the effort for their cause deserves just as much consideration for that cause. 

Most recently this conversation has been with my sister.  She has recently become very involved with a cause through one of her very close friends. It’s a really good cause, and I’m proud of them for really acting like grownups and working hard at something important.  It’s a good cause. It’s just not one that really pushes my buttons or inspires a lot of passion or anger.

My sister doesn’t understand this.  She has asked me to do a few things related to this cause.  I’ve declined a few, and done a few, though apparently not with the energy and zeal she expected.  I finally tried to tell her that while I really respect what she’s doing it’s just not something I’m as passionate about.  She doesn’t understand this.  She makes the argument that caring deeply about and working hard for her cause doesn’t have to take away from any of mine.

I just don’t agree.  There are only 24 hours in a day; time spent doing one thing typically means less time spent doing something else.  Monetary donations are also limited; a donation to one cause means no donation to another cause.  Therefore I choose to donate the bulk of my time and resources to the causes I care deeply about.  I’m just one person, and I don’t seem to have the time, resources, or energy to do it all. 

What about you?  Do you think it’s wrong to be much more passionate for some causes than others?  Or do you choose carefully?  I’d love to hear your thoughts. 

My Day of Freedom

I did get my day of freedom yesterday.  I didn’t go anywhere.  I didn’t even talk to or see anyone other than my husband.  I didn’t go on Facebook, and I completely ignored the phone.  It was wonderful.  I may have to do it more often.  I was able to get quite a bit accomplished too; not as much as I would have liked, but definitely enough to call it a good day.

I cleaned out and organized the refrigerator.  This always makes me happy and makes me feel like a success in the kitchen, so that was excellent.  

I caught up most of the laundry, including putting it away (that’s always the really hard part for me for some reason), and some of the ironing.  I am beginning to think that the cats pull clean clothes from the closets and dressers and toss them in the hamper while we’re gone.  I think it’s possible; our cats can behave very badly sometimes, and we seem to generate an exorbitant amount of laundry for just two people.  

I submitted a poem to an online publication.  I had been meaning to do this for about two months, but between procrastination and a fear of rejection I just hadn’t gotten around to it.  It’s submitted now.  It will be about three months before I hear anything back from them, so now that it’s done I’m trying not to think much about it.  Yes, I am aware of the fact that if I’d submitted it when I first decided to I’d only have about another month to wait before hearing from them.  Live and learn.

Continuing on the writing front, I organized my partially written posts into folders within my folder on the desk top, and named them appropriately.  I will be happier because I can find things now, and my husband will be happier because they’re organized and not all over the desktop.  (He has this theory that you shouldn’t save everything to the desktop and that that’s what folders are for.)  I also worked on a few posts for later on, though not quite as many as I had hoped.  

I also scrubbed the kitchen floor; the on your hands and knees with a bucket of soapy water kind of scrubbing, instead of using a mop or Swiffer.  I haven’t done this in a while, and let me just say that almost every inch of my body is screaming “WHY???  WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?” today.  But the floor looks really, really good.  

The floor scrubbing was good too because, being a mindless activity that kept my hands busy, it gave me time to think about some things.  As I mentioned Tuesday, I’ve been edgy and snappish lately, so I spent the time trying to figure out some solutions.  I concluded that at least part of the trouble is that I’ve lapsed into a very disorganized state.  I am happiest when I know what I’m making for dinner every (or at least most) night for the week, when my work clothes are laid out the night before, and when things are just generally well-organized and planned.  This hasn’t been happening lately.  I’m not entirely sure why, but I suspect it’s due to a combination of poor time management and a general lack of organization.

I found some great articles on organization with some tips and ideas that I plan to try, and I’m working on a plan for getting some things organized.  I’ll probably be writing more about that later.  

The time management part is harder.  I seem to have a pattern of saying yes to everything I’m asked to do or participate in, getting burned out that way, and then saying no to everything.  I’m still working on a solution for this one.  Most of the things I commit to seem important at the time, so I’m having a hard time figuring out what to say no to.  How do you prioritize?  Do you have a daily/weekly/monthly limit for things you’ll commit to?  Do you have any suggestions at all for better time management?

I also came to the realization that I spend (okay, waste) a lot of time every week on Facebook and talking on the phone.  I realize that not all phone conversations are a waste of time, and there are definitely people that I need and want to talk to.  I need to stop answering my phone any and every time it rings and staying on the phone until the other person needs to go.  I plan to start utilizing voicemail and prioritizing whether or not a call needs to be returned immediately, based on the voicemail and what I’m currently trying to accomplish.  And I think I’m going to start setting serious limits for my time on Facebook.  I’m also considering whittling down my friends list.  Have any of you tried this, or had success in limiting phone and Facbook time?

I hope you all had a safe, wonderful, and happy Fourth of July.

Staying Home From Home Parties

Lately there seems to be an epidemic of home parties, you know the kind, where someone invites all of her friends over for snacks and a demonstration of some sort of product; anything from cookware to candles, to handbags to, um, “adult-themed goodies”.    Then you’re supposed to order products and possibly have your own home party, and maybe even quit your day job and join the company where you can set your own schedule and make more money than you’ve ever dreamed.  Those home parties.

No, I’m not opposed to home parties.  I’ve been to several and had a good time.  I like a lot of the products.  I’ve hosted some of my own, and I am a (very, very, very) part-time consultant (though I will probably phase out by the end of the year) for one company.  The idea sort of makes sense too; friends all buy a little to help each other get a little more for free.  Who can’t use free things in this economy? 

I’m just getting a little tired of being invited (or pressured) to attend home parties.  I’ve been invited to close to two dozen in the past six months.  It’s not that I know so many people; it’s that the same people are having them over and over again.  They have another one because they didn’t get everything they want on the first go-round, or they sell the line and need to have so many parties, or they have a friend who sells the line and needs money for some reason or another. 

I get it.  I get that sometimes you really, really want those host benefits, or you really need to make your numbers, or you’re in a tight spot financially and need some extra money.  I just don’t understand how or when it became acceptable to push those needs or wants of yours off on other people.   I think there are definitely limits to how many times you can invite the same person to a home party in a given time frame.

I realize there’s the standard fall back of “oh you don’t have to buy anything, just come hang out and have some snacks”.  I don’t understand this one.  My mother raised me that it’s bad manners to go to one of these and not buy something.  She also raised me that it’s bad manners to have too many.  (More on that later.)  You’re being invited with the goal of getting you to purchase something, that’s pretty much the point.  Telling you that you don’t have to buy anything (of course you don’t HAVE to buy something, it’s not like you’re going to be held hostage until you whip out the checkbook) seems to be a means of getting you to show up in hopes that you’ll see something you want, or feel like you need to buy something. 

All of that being said, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have home parties, as I said, some of them can be a lot of fun.  I think there’s just a limit to how many times you can invite the same people to come to your home to spend money.  For me, I think that limit is about two to three times per year, at the most.  My mom’s rule has always been not to only invite people for home parties.  I think that makes a lot of sense.  If you only invite someone over when you’d like them to buy something that can easily make a person feel used. 

So what about you?  What’s your take on home parties?  How many is one (or more) too many for you?  How do you gracefully decline?